and then came November

Things could be worse. It could have been FOUR months since I posted last. My laptop could still be busted and unavailable. It could still be daylight savings time.

But this is bad. Bad bad bad. November finds me in perhaps worst blogging shape of my life. I think every other year I’ve had 2 or 3 posts pre-written, and numerous ideas waiting in the wings. I’ve had at least SOME forward momentum, with at least a post or two every month prior to the mass vomitus of November. I’ve had motime buddies at my side, cheering aloud and stoking the fires of quiet, unspoken competition.

This may be the first year that I’ve actually worried about not making it through ’til the end, though it’s impossible to know for sure. Fear is one of those emotions that kind of snuffs itself out over time, like the pains of childbirth. I do know that the fear of November 2009 is strong in my bones. It seems like I always get a stomach bug, or a 104+ degree temperature, or stitches in November – some physical ailment that results in me pulling myself to the computer with the very last tap of my reserves. Or, a server crash that has me sitting my the computer for hours past the first time I hit “publish” to ensure that when the system comes back I’m right back with it. Do I have that same drive this year? Are the fires of that passion still smoldering under the atrophied pads of my blog neglecting fingers?

I trust that they are. And if they’re not, NaBloPoMo (which I have decided to shorten to BloMo this year) is enough on its own. Where my passions fail, my commitment stands. Where my inner critic says “meh”, BloMo says “you just fucking better.” I’m here. It’s another year. Thanks for coming back.

~ by radishly on November 1, 2009.